Roads Less Traveled

I have been dabbling in some pretty risky investment vehicles for the last couple of years, and when I say risky, I mean that a craps table is like an AAA bond in comparison. Anyway, in one of those accounts I had stashed a pretty large sum of money and just let it ride for a while, and when I recently went to check on it, it had simply vanished!  My account was there, mind you-it just had a zero balance. Welcome to the brave new world of cryptocurrencies! I tried everything to get the money back: reviewing past transactions, checking the digital block chain, contacting the wallet developers…even, in desperation, rebooting-but all to no avail. In fact, the rebooting effort only served to underline that my computer had been attacked by a malicious virus which would not even allow me to log on.

Mr. President:

Your employment with the United States of America is terminated effective immediately due to a lack of integrity, a flagrant disregard for international law, and your repeated failure to perform the duties of your position.

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Liberals, I have some difficult news to share with you. We conservatives have decided that this marriage cannot continue and that we must seek a divorce. This is something we’ve been struggling with for a long time and I suspect that you are at least aware that we have been having a hard time together, which you made pretty obvious when you threw a tantrum over the last election. But I believe that we can do this with decency and reasonableness and hope you will come to believe that as well.